Recently I was driving back from a sales meeting, it was around 3pm. The kind of drive where your body's on the motorway but your head's still in the meeting.
I'm mentally writing follow-up emails & thinking about a proposal that needs to go out. I've got an MBA assignment I haven't started, and then it hits me… tomorrow's my day off with the girls (Fridays).
I won't be home for another hour. By the time I walk through the door, I’ll need to get dinner on for the girls & then it’s their bedtime. The bit where they're already tired and I'm pretending I'm not.
And I thought: I'm supposed to be good at this. I run a business. I'm doing an MBA. I write this newsletter. I'm trying to get to the gym because my body's made it pretty clear that sitting still isn't an option anymore. I'm carrying grief that I mostly just… don't talk about.
So where's the balance?
I've read the books & I've heard the podcasts. "Protect your energy." "Set boundaries." "You can have it all if you just prioritise."
Yeah….sure lol.
Here's what I've actually learned: balance doesn't exist. Not the way it's sold, anyway. Not the neat version where every area of your life gets equal attention and you go to bed feeling whole.
What exists is acceptance.
Acceptance that some weeks, the business gets 80% of me and the girls get the edges. And other weeks, I'm fully present with them and three key emails sit unanswered until Monday.
Acceptance that the MBA assignment won't be my best work this term. That the gym session might be 30 minutes instead of an hour. That the newsletter might not be as great as last weeks.
Acceptance that grief doesn't wait for a convenient window. That I've learned to keep moving & to fill the space with the girls, with work, with whatever stops me sitting in it for too long. I know that's not the "healthy" answer, but it's the honest one.
I used to think high performance meant getting everything done. Now I think it means getting the right things done and making peace with the rest.
Not every plate spins, some drop & you pick them back up next week.
That drive back, I didn't solve anything. I didn't have some big epiphany. I just... let it be a bad hour. And then I got home, made their dinner, did bedtime and took a big deep breath.
That was enough.
See you next week.
— Antonio.